Kurt Cobain的四月

東妮：
又再閱續他的遺書。
To Boddah

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven’t felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.
For example when we’re backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn’t affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can’t fool you, any one of you. It simply isn’t fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I’m having
100% fun.
Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I’ve tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it’s not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they’re gone. I’m too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I’ve had a much better appreciation for all the people I’ve known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can’t get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There’s good in all us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don’t you just enjoy it? I don’t know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can’t stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I’ve become.
I have it good, very good, and I’m grateful, but since the age of seven, I’ve become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I’m too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, Love, Empathy. Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I’ll be at your altar.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!

Nirvana的聲音剛進入我的世界時，原先的不現實世界，竟變得完全空洞。曽經有一段時間都不敢聽Nirvana的音樂，因為恐怕被黒暗吞蝕。

Kurt Cobain的音樂與日記，就這樣衝擊着我的思想。從單純的迷戀到嘗試客觀的領會。他已離開多年，好想告訴他:世界還是一樣，不變的空洞。

昨天的缺憾只好蒸發，凝固在我們心中只剩Kurt這張不老的臉。

神婆（塔羅神婆音樂網）：
我常被這組合的名字弄得很迷茫。निर्वाण、涅槃、Nirvana。到底他們有沒有真正領悟為甚麼涅槃要存在？信裡都是一大堆其他的神明，未見得有修行之心。有人可以告訴我為甚麼他們要改這個名字嗎？我不能忍受無知的恐懼。